the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
