what day is it and did you see me today?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
