You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
