the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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