i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
