The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
