he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
you didnt know i had herpes?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
