She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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