I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
