Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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