I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
