I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
