Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
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