we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Randomize
