He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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