Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
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