I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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