covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
