He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
