A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
