I CAN MOONWALK!
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
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