i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
