im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Everything about him screamed your future.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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