Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
