You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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