if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
