at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
