We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We don't watch enough power rangers
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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