Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
