oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
