ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
