I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I need mimosas to revive my soul
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
