Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
