Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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