I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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