I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
