I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
