she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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