but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
