I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
