"it" just moved
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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