I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
