end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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