i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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