Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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