Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
