Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
