matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
