She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
