Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
