I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
