i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
