i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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