so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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