i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Randomize
