Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
