so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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