I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
